A Ghost of My Sexual Past?

      My friend
Chris and I have known each other for a while. When we met he was unhappily married
and I was getting out of a marriage.  There was an instant reaction the moment I
walked into the room where he would interview me for a part-time position with the
marketing firm he worked for. I was
overwhelmed with what is known as “deja vu” when I first laid eyes on him. The feeling that I had known him already was
a sign of what would become a lifetime friendship even if we never became
sexually involved. Its 13 years later and we have still not had sexual relations,
but we have been intimate in so many other ways and have enjoyed a very sensual
relationship. 

         Chris relocated to Minneapolis a year ago so we’ve maintained our closeness and stayed in touch through phone, emails and visits. When we spoke two days ago he told me of someone he’s courting. This is big news because Chris has been divorced for almost a year and has been trying hard to get over the agony.  I’ve prayed that he rekindle the flame of romance in his life because it would make a world of difference for him particularly since he’s a Libra (sign of partnership) with a Scorpio moon (planet of sex and transformation). Partnerships are important to him and so is sex. They both work quite well together when merged wisely.

          So the news of a new romantic pursuit was totally unusual when he tells me of a lady he met that reminds him so much of me. He explains that when he was first introduced to her by his sister he took a big mental note of the astounding similarities. It was only a few moments later that his sister would say to him, “You know who she reminds me of right? And they both looked at each other laughing out loud, “She is just like Angelique!” I could feel increased suspense mixed with wonder and a strange sensation inside of me. He said that we both favor each other in looks and mannerism and sometimes even sound like each other. Well it didn’t take me long to figure out that she was either one of my native country girls or continental sistahs. If we had a similar twist of vocal accent as he described, then we must  originate from the same region in Africa. He shared more on how they met and told me they had had two dates and intermittent phone conversations. I soon learned that we shared a birth place.

         As he shares the heart arresting update on his romantic life, I couldn’t help but sense and think

that I was somehow a
“link” in this new affair with this woman. I had mixed emotions of jealousy and happiness as well. I was jealous
that he had met someone he had a romantic interest in and that my favorite friend
and pseudo lover was being distracted by another woman. On the other hand, I
was also happy because he deserved to be in a romantic and intimate space with
someone. I found myself in a strange place inside of myself feeling a bit
uncomfortable, yet curious about this latest development in the life of my
favorite friend.

        The idea of Chris seeing someone and giving them his time and affection outside of me was something I had not given much thought to. I am accustomed to the same old boring romantic life the both of us have had of late. And I was beginning to regret postponing my visit to him last month.  Real feelings were moving through me took me by storm. Now I was beginning to have a strong premonition that the many years of having such a close and personal relationship bordering on the edge of sexual intimacy, and all the times that we traveled to romantic and exotic places and had a fabulous time void of sexual encounters were coming back to haunt me. One voice in my head said “Hmmm….. You should have taken him when you had the chance.” Another voice said “You need to make a trip to Minneapolis!"
 
       What is spookier is that I learned that the issue with ghost sister is no different than a familiar issue of mine. She is emotionally guarded and has put up a wall. As he explains this to me, I couldn’t help but see how she was a big mirror that now hung before him reflecting the glare of his own heart. Given the fact that he is recuperating from a messy and painfully, soul wrenching divorce that involved 2 children and a sudden relocation to be close to them, and the fact he has had no practical romance in a while he didn’t exactly have curtains flowing around his heart.  For the last 10 plus years I have been well informed and sometimes involved with the details of Chris’ x-wife and family. I know what he’s been through. I also know that he had become more consumed with work and need to balance his life with play.   But the spooky part is that all three of us are linked by emotional protectiveness. 

Hearing him mention the emotional challenges and defenses of his new friend and seeing into his unconscious need to fulfill a long standing sexual hunger for me, I became instantly and keenly aware that this new connection was symbolic of the remnants of what may be unfinished business between us. These emotional lessons presented by his new romance kept coming on a bulletin flash. At that very moment I was filled with the awe of the oneness that weaves the connection between people who share an emotional and spiritual space that is intense and longstanding. I was getting a better picture of my own affairs through the lens of this new evolving relationship.

   

    Sexual energies are so powerful that they can manifest in many different ways and can carry over from one relationship to another in otherwise peculiar ways. This story demonstrates this phenomenon in a perfect way. My friend Chris tells me he is even more drawn to this woman because of how she reminds him of me. He said there were moments when he would burst out with laughter because of something she’d say or do that reminds him of me.  At first he found it difficult to explain to this woman the reason why he laughed so sporadically at certain moments. 

Relationships are truly the invisible web of life that keeps us connected.  At the core of this web is the source of our love and power. It is where we can find replenishment after our hearts have been tattered and torn. Intimate relationships can provide us with pathways and experiences to takes us back to revisit the source of our pains and disappointments. Relationships can also gently guide us back to the sacred space within us where the healing medicine of love is in endless supply. 

           Imagine Chris being on a date with my ghost sistah and in the midst of one of those intense yet exciting moments he utters my name…. “Angelique”. LOL!! But it could get worse or better?! Imagine while in the heat of a passionate, sexual moment he sees me, my image in that of the ghost sister and at that moment he calls out my name! YIKES!!

TALK BACK!

What are your thoughts on this story? Do you think that Chris is with this woman for the wrong reasons or not? Should Angelique meet this woman? Should Angelique take their sensual relationship to another level? Should Angelique stay the hell out of their way? So what do you predict will happen here? What have you learned from this story? Leave your response/comments below.